Being Scott Sapp

In remembrance...

2011-09-11T00:47:00.001-04:00

I have heard that no one forgot where they were when they first heard of the attack on Pearl Harbor.

I know many people who remember exactly where they were when JFK was assassinated.

And for those of us who lived through September 11th, 2001, we all remember where we were and exactly what we were doing when we first heard of the attacks. The disbelief as we thought it wasn't as serious as it sounded. The shock as ANOTHER plane struck. The horror when the towers fell. The fear of what would happen next.

And it is a good thing that we remember. Tragedy on such a scale should never be forgotten. Heroism such as was seen that day should be honored forever. It is monumental because on that day, our world changed.

I wonder sometimes about remembering other life-changing events, though.

I wonder if Peter could ever forget the look on Jesus' face after his third denial.

I bet John could never erase the image of Jesus, while he was dying, asking him to take care of His mother.

And I know the centurion told the story, to his dying day, of how dark it was, and how the earth shook, when The Son of God died. It was life-changing.

9/11 will never mean as much to my children as it does to me; how could it, they weren't even born! But I still will tell them if the horror, fear, bravery and heroism of that day. And I will try to help them understand just how much it meant to be an American on that day and every one after.

But I worry that the crucifixion doesn't mean as much to us because we weren't there. I wonder what we can do to make it more meaningful to those of us who believe, even though we haven't seen. Maybe it means that I count just how much Jesus carried for me that day. Maybe I try to imagine what it was like to endure what He endured. Maybe I try to wonder how I'll thank Him one day, face to face.

How do we make the Cross as important a monument in our lives as some of the other days we'll never forget?

Keepers of the flame

2011-05-21T20:28:00.002-04:00

Now, we've all had a lot of fun with the whole "May 21st is the end of the world and the Rapture" story. Two things have stuck out to me:

1) I have heard/read a lot of jokes on this from most people I know. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm all about jokes, but as usual, I had to take a slightly different approach to the story. I couldn't help but to keep wondering "What if they're right?" How many people would that have caught by surprise? Because, let's face it, not even most Christians thought that this was right. But I just sat down and thought about it for a minute - what would it be like to see Jesus return? If I had any inkling that it could be today, how would I spend it? I looked at my family and thought how grateful I would be to see them all in heaven. I wondered just how it would feel to fall at Jesus' feet and hug His neck and tell Him how much I've missed Him. I wondered what it would feel like to have the questions stop. I wondered how joyful it would be to never have to read another story online about a child dying. And I was kind of sad that Jesus didn't show up today. This story allowed me to see that day from another perspective, to actually give my heart a "trial run". And every time I heard someone make fun, I decided it was a great opportunity to share the fact that Jesus IS returning. I talked with a girl at work yesterday, she said "Well, it's to late for me to make it right." I tried to explain to her that Jesus has already made it right...

2) It amazes me how absolutely certain everyone I know is about the "end times". If people weren't laughing at the group, they were deriding them. Look, I have opinions about the end times just like everyone else. But I also don't hold very tight to them. Remember, the Jews had very specific ideas about what the Messiah would do when He came. He was supposed to fight a war, free His people, and reign for 1,000 years. Sound familiar? So whatever your preconceived notions are about what will happen during, precede, or postdate The Return, consider that you could be wrong. The nice part about whatever it is God decides to do is that I just want to be along for the ride. It doesn't matter to me if there is a Rapture, or if everyone goes all at once, or if something happens no one has thought of. I just want to hear that I'm in. Maybe I'm just simple, but it seems to me to be slightly arrogant to presume to understand God's plans. Even if He has laid them out in Scripture, we tend to only understand prophecy with the vantage point of hindsight.

This has not been in any way meant to put anyone down. I just noticed a couple trends, which I took part in to some extent, that I wanted to point out.

"Maybe tonight, Lord, maybe tonight..."

On Perseverance

2011-04-14T18:03:00.005-04:00

So, I've learned something about myself over the last few months. First off, I've been meaning to write about this topic since the beginning of the year, but as it kept dragging on and evolving, I kept putting it off, and maybe for the better.

I hurt my knee mid-December. Nothing drastic, just what they call IT Band Syndrome. Take a couple weeks off from running and you'll be fine.

So I did.

The second week after I started back to running, I pushed it kinda hard. But I needed to; I was training for a marathon and needed to get back up to my mileage. I think the breaking point occurred during a 6-miler: I ran/walked the first 5 miles like I usually did, but then ran the last mile back to the house, and pretty fast. That Saturday I went out for an 18-miler and only made it 6 miles. My knee was hurting again.

For the next few weeks, I kept running. I would try to take it easy, but the pain never went away. As a matter of fact, it seemed to get steadily worse.

So I went to an orthopedist.

They do an MRI and discover only little things wrong: the IT Band Syndrome is still there, I have a small Baker's cyst on the back of my knee, and it looks like I have a tiny tear in my meniscus.

Rest.

At this point, I'm just hoping to run the half marathon. Anything, just please don't tell me that I've trained for 6 months and will have nothing to show for it. (Ok, sure, I lost a few pounds and made some friends, but I did have a goal in mind...)

One month off from running.

I join a gym so that I can do Spin class. I want to stay fit, increase my aerobic capacity, but I can't do anything that will involve impact on my knee. I start a stretching regimen. I HATE STRETCHING. I hate stretching the way Indiana Jones hates snakes. But I do it anyway, in the hope that I can run.

Three weeks before the (now half) marathon, I start back running. And there is still pain! And now it is shooting all around the knee! I'm beginning to wonder what I'm going to have to do to fix this...

Back to the orthopedist.

Where I find out that on top of all the above, I have now developed tendinitis and bursitis. I think I may be the only person to develop tendinitis while NOT ACTUALLY DOING ANYTHING TO AGGRAVATE THAT TENDON. So they give me a shot. It's given directly through the most painful part of the knee, straight into the joint. It is not comfortable.

But after three days, I feel fine!

I ran the half marathon. I ran it with a friend of mine, and did pretty well. My last two miles were the fastest miles of the day. I saw my family on the course. I passed someone on the very last straightaway. But there's a twinge of disappointment in only going half as far as I wanted to.

Oh, but there's more.

As I said at the top, I learned something about myself during those months. It came during one of the Spin classes. One of the teachers is a friend of mine; I've known her since I was a kid. She is brutal. She will shame you in a class, not by calling you out, but if you try to keep up with her, you better have brought your big-boy shoes.

Something she said in this particular class made me realize: I had been planning when to quit since the moment I got on the bike. Somewhere in my mind I had been thinking, right from the very beginning, how far I had to get before I could bail and not look like a pansy. The next time I ran I noticed the same thing: I may have planned on running 6 miles, but by the end of the first mile I was already trying to evaluate if I could cut this run short and just "make it up later."

I'm a quitter.
At least in my thoughts, if not always in my actions.

So, what makes me hold on? What makes me keep going when it's too tough? Why do I choose to persevere sometimes, and bail out other times?

A friend posted this on Facebook: "I would like to work out without having to work out." True.

Realization: I will only hang on long enough for everyone to think I've hung on long enough.

So, I'll set lofty goals for myself, but talk myself down from them not long after beginning. I'm the same way in my Christian walk. I want to be more like Christ, I want to resist temptation, I want to read my Bible, but I'm already planning my escape. I mean, how far can one man really go anyway?

I've begun to recognize those thoughts, and to work past them. Not just in working out, because the benefit from that is temporary. But in the rest of life as well. How long can you or I resist temptation? As long as we decide we can. It is as important as we make it.

I didn't have any problem running the half marathon all the way to the finish, because that was what I came there to do. I have problems finishing my training runs because it's hard to see the goal. I have trouble persevering under trials and temptation because it's difficult to see the end goal.

But I'm tired of my own excuses.

W(h)ine and cheese

2011-04-14T16:05:00.000-04:00

Emotion never lends itself to an accurate worldview. Be forewarned. I think I write better when I'm very emotional, so this one could be a doozy.

I've had a frustrating day.

At the risk of sounding like "that guy", I feel that I have a lot of good ideas. And I'm not scared to pitch them. But man, does it seem like a lot (it feels like almost all) get shot down. What's worse is when, much later, you see that same idea come back around, but pitched by someone else as brand new. Then everyone else loves it! They prance around the plagiarizer (is that a word?) as if they have received a revelation. Meanwhile, I'm sitting off to the side wondering what made the idea so bad the first time?

I need a win.

I have said before that, as if I needed one more thing about me to be weird, I apparently have weird spiritual gifts. I didn't get faith, nope, nothing that blasé. I think I'm a good encourager, sure, but I wonder if my spiritual gift is dealing with disappointment. Because I sure seem to get enough thrown my way.

non sequiter

I've worked very hard not force my opinions or ideas on other people. In years past, I was in many, many situations where an opinion was forced on me, and I think I came to believe that was the only way to get your way - rhetoric, conviction, logic, and bombast. And something about it turned me off. Some would call it the mellowing of age; I'm not that old. I used to be completely concerned with getting my way, now I think I'm a little more concerned with getting along. Because I can lead all day long, but if no one is following, then it isn't doing much good. To this day I can remember how some people didn't like me as a teen because of my attitude; that arrogance of always being right, and being able to prove it. I don't like remembering that, and I've tried to change.

And that's not to say that I won't argue passionately for something I believe in, it's just to say that I don't place the importance on winning an argument or "being right" as I once did.

But I wonder if, in my desire to be more humble, I haven't allowed myself to become a doormat in a lot of instances. And that idea just pisses me off. So I think, what do I have to do to be heard? To have my opinion valued at the same weight that it seems others' are? Do I have to stake out a position and refuse to budge? To be louder than everyone else in the room? Do I have to demean others' opinions? Should I be so verbose as to simply exhaust everyone? Perhaps I should simply invent facts and situations to prove my point; I could even belabor the hypothetical. Maybe I should be/act offended or put out that someone else is getting their way.

No, I've chosen to (try to) be honest and mature.

So, once again, I'll swallow my disappointment (which tastes remarkably like bile) and hope for better.

One day.

They say that leadership should be collaborative, and that you should empower others. But no one ever talks about how to do that from the middle. Everyone is concerned with how to lead from the top. I don't have a problem with that. How does one lead from the middle of a team? Because I'm not the biggest, strongest, loudest person in the room. And I don't want to be. But I also don't want to be dismissed out of hand, or treated as if it's not a big deal to disappoint me, but it would be to disappoint others.

...and not a day goes by...

2010-12-21T20:58:00.004-05:00

20 years ago today I made the most important decision of my life.

Now, I know many people who would say that about many different decisions that have been made. Who they would marry, where they would go to school or work, etc. But in my life, those decisions are dwarfed by another.

Today is my (Christian) birthday.

20 years ago I gave my life to Christ, and not a day goes by that is not influenced by that decision. Because every other important decision in my life is weighed against this one. My relationships succeed or fail based on this relationship. My path in life is authored by this path.

Looking back now, I understand that I knew next to nothing about what I was getting into, or what was really going on. But who does? Who has perfect, or even mature, knowledge of what they signed up for when they get married, or have kids? That's not the point. The point is that I knew enough to know that I was in no way a good person, there were consequences for my not being a good person, and Someone had paid my price for who I was. I remember the burden I had been carrying around, the guilt of all the things I had done that I knew weren't right.

And I remember the freedom when I came up out of that water. The pure exhilaration, the joy, the knowledge that those things didn't matter anymore, I was newborn!

I'm still a bad person, I guess I always will be. But I'm beginning to understand Grace, and freedom from sin, and the Love of God.

And I feel like not a day goes by that, if I walk with God, is not touched by Him to bring me closer. To who I could be. To who I should be. To Him.

Thanksgiving!

2010-12-20T21:19:00.003-05:00

So, we knew we were having another holiday baby. We even figured that she was coming early. But we didn't expect it to happen quite like this:

3am on Monday, November 29th, was just like any other 3am on a Monday. Or so we thought. We have a fire alarm that is hard-wired into our house's electrical system. It is also the loudest thing I have ever heard. I say this because, when it went off at 3am on Monday, November 29th, I distinctly remember it being the loudest thing I have ever heard. I'm pretty certain it could be heard from space.

I didn't know what was going on; whether it was the burglar alarm or fire alarm. I fully expected to find someone in my living room. Then I'm crawling all over the attic and through the house to find the fire. None could be found, so then I tried to figure out how to turn off the alarm. Everyone in the house is now awake. Daniel looked like he couldn't figure out what was going on. DJ was yelling at me to make it stop. I'm taking the speaker off of the wall to "cut the hard line" when I remember that I can start flipping breakers. Finally it goes off, but now I'm awake. I had to get up at 4am anyway, so I figure I'll just stay up (besides, Predator was on AMC). And then Kellie tells me that she's having contractions...

I decide that she can go back to sleep and they'll go away. I am wrong. Kellie calls me at work around 8:30 to tell me that the contractions are continuing. The fire alarm from space has woken even my unborn child up.

We had a healthy baby girl, Dakota Brooklyn, at 6:07pm that night!

But, in true Sapp fashion, there's one last humorous story from that day.

We had Dakota at home. We also had Daniel at home, and it was a great experience both times. But it didn't look like Kellie was progressing as it got closer to dinner. So I called a friend of mine to see if he could wrangle up some grub. He orders delivery pizza. As Kellie's labor speeds up, I start to have a bad feeling of coincidence. Sure enough, just after Kellie pushes out Dakota's head, the doorbell rings...

I read somewhere that some OBGYNs who don't like homebirth had bumper stickers made that said "Home delivery is for pizza, not babies" - now it's both at the same time!

By the way, isn't my baby girl precious?

I just don't get it.

2010-10-21T19:07:00.002-04:00

It's been an odd week.

First of all, let's start at the end of the week. As part of my training for the marathon, I have a 10-mile run first thing Saturday morning. That will be the furthest I have ever run (although, to be honest, every other week now is the furthest I've ever run). Then, in the afternoon I have a charity golf tournament.

I know, hard knock life, eh?

But I know I'll be exhausted.

I was supposed to go for a run on Tuesday night, but I looked at my wife and told her that I just didn't feel like I physically could run. One hour later I had a migraine. And it was a doozy. The only thing I have ever found that will cure my migraines is sleep. So I tried to sleep it off until it finally was gone about 4am. But it was one of those that has lingering affects for the next 24-36 hours. So I haven't been able to do much of anything as far as working out this week.

So tonight I decide to go for a run and it was NOT. GOOD. My legs hurt almost from the beginning, and continued to do so throughout. My hamstring was tight. My calves felt sore. My feet ached. I couldn't seem to get in any rhythm whatsoever. Thank goodness the music was good! But I've realized something as I've gotten physically active again.

I don't get a 2nd wind.
I never have.

I guess I don't have that part of my brain that triggers to release endorphins in the middle of exercise to keep me going. Which can make exercise, or martial arts (what I used to do), or running miserable.

Once again, I'm going to use running as an example for the rest of my life.

I can always find an excuse to quit. But I hate doing it. It's the weirdest thing; at any point in time I could tell you multiple reasons why I should stop running, or volunteering, or what's wrong with my job. But I can't quit. I will keep running long after it starts hurting, and long after I want to stop. It's almost like I have the gift of perseverance, but the implementation of that gift is torture.

I'm not saying that I persevere in everything I do. But in the things that I have trouble quitting, the process seems very difficult.

I wish that these things came easy, but they don't. I wish that I could catch a second wind, but it never comes. I wish that life wasn't hard, but that's life. I've just got to keep running.

No turning back now.

2010-10-11T15:58:00.002-04:00

I am now officially signed up for my first marathon: March 5th, 2011!

And there's no refund policy, so I can't back out.

Apparently there is a phrase amongst marathoners: "PR or ER". Personal Record or the Emergency Room. I don't have a choice, it's going to be one or the other! I'm really excited now, though. I was starting to get a little aggravated with running all the time, and I think this was just the boost I needed to re-ignite the fire.

It's interesting, because I used this time of exercise I'm in as a spiritual example yesterday. I wouldn't be running like I am and training for a marathon if a good friend of mine hadn't talked me into it, and if I wasn't making relationships with the other people who are training. They are positive, encouraging, and seem genuinely interested in my success. We need that in our spiritual lives as well. If you aren't often around people who encourage you to live and love like God, then you're unlikely to persist for long. If they aren't interested in seeing you succeed and helping you to succeed, then you'll become depressed and quit. I know that sometimes in the Bible Belt we tend to look at church attendance as our "dues" as Christians, but there is a point behind it. Find a church that you can connect in, and the people will encourage you to be better, and you can encourage them. It is important.

On another note, I just realized that I had not announced to the world that we are expecting another young'un! And this time it's a girl! This is really late in coming; we are due middle of December. We are really excited!

Random thoughts...

2010-10-07T21:05:00.002-04:00

and really, when are my thoughts not random?

First up, it has been forever and a day since my last post. But things have been stupid busy. Work especially. The past two weeks at work most especially.

Which makes me remember one thing: if a decision you make has a direct affect on me, and I express frustration at the situation but not you, and you de-friend me, I find that funny. Thank you for making something frustrating funny instead.

I have friends who are at Catalyst right now. I was pretty jealous this morning, and then it felt like God literally spoke to me and said "There's nothing for you there this year." Fair enough. Not that I wouldn't hear anything encouraging or challenging, but that I don't need to be there right now.

Jars of Clay's new album The Shelter is amazing. I still have an idea for a video to their song "Headphones" off of their last album The Long Fall Back to Earth. If you've never listened to THAT album, do yourself a favor and pick it up. It was the best album I heard that year by far, and I can still listen to it all the way through and smile.

About 6 weeks ago I did something I had all but sworn I would never do: I started training for a marathon. A good friend of mine has run several marathons and kept bugging me about trying it. The group he is leading was about to start training for our local (and awesome) marathon, so I decided to give it one shot. I won't say that I did well that first run/walk, but I got further than I thought I could. So now I'm in, and running 3 times a week. You have to know something: I used to HATE running. But it's been a fun way to get back into shape. Thanks to that and cutting back on calories (I entered a weight loss competition at work, just to get motivated), I've lost over 11lbs in the last 6 weeks! I'm not doing so well on the weight loss this week, though... did I mention it's been crazy at work?

I need to make a super-awesome playlist for a 5K. I have one upcoming, which will be my first 5K (even though I usually run that far on my mid-week runs), but I need to craft an entire playlist for awesomeness purposes.

Hey, maybe I can get sponsored by Nike someday... sorry, I just lol'ed at myself!

A little pinch

2010-05-29T10:30:00.002-04:00

I don't usually post political thoughts on my blog because they can be very polarizing. I did have a post about the last Presidential election, but I took it down shortly after the election. It was just my thoughts and I didn't want it to get in the way of other things I had to say.

I'm noticing a loose parallel, though. You may not feel that this is true, and you might even vehemently disagree with me. But just think about it.

(Disclaimer: I'm writing this quickly and from memory, so if you see any errors please put them in the comments and I will try to fix them later - sorry)

Greece is a country in dire trouble. They have spent themselves into such a hole that the country is in danger of becoming insolvent. So they have asked for help from the European Union and the World Bank. In order to get this help, they are going to have to make some drastic cuts - otherwise other countries would simply be giving Greece more money to continue spending at an unsustainable rate. Kind of like giving someone who is about to go bankrupt money to pay their credit card bills without watching them cut up the credit card.

Some of the most drastic cuts are to government workers. Now, on average (and this is true for many countries) a government worker makes more money and has better benefits than a private industry worker. For instance, there are some government workers in Greece who are paid monthly, but they are paid 14 monthly paychecks a year. So the Greek government tells them that their pay will be cut to 12 monthly paychecks a year (you know, monthly meaning once a month and all). So what do the workers do? They riot and burn down a bank with three people still inside!

Now, no one wants to even go any amount of time without a raise, much less be told that you can keep your job, but only for less money. But murdering people over it?

Now to switch storylines.

In New Jersey, the new Governor is in a massive political fight. New Jersey doesn't have enough money for it's budget. Cuts are being made. One proposed cut was for a one year salary freeze for teachers and freezing aid to schools. Now, any cuts will be met with resistance. And proposing cuts to teachers and education seems like a move only a crazy man would make. But the budget is $2.2 billion short. And the pension fund is $90 billion behind. Something has to change.

Where is the parallel? We have people (who are understandably upset over not getting a raise, possibly losing their jobs, and seeing benefit cuts) jokingly asking God to kill Gov. Christie. Really?

No one wants their job to be the one that is targeted for reduction. But if money is to be saved, it has to be someone's. My concern is that the root issue in both Greece and New Jersey is that we have groups of people who are used to their jobs being protected at any cost. But the cost may simply be too high right now.

I have had to cut employee's hours before because of money issues. I have seen layoffs before. Believe me, those decisions are not easy. But sometimes they are necessary. Teachers in New Jersey get (on average) a 4% raise every year and pay NONE of their own health costs. Are they underpaid? Almost certainly. Do they need to face cuts anyway? Yes.

Let me demonstrate a different attitude for you. There were looming layoffs at a job once. No one knew whose job was going to be eliminated. I saw one lady offer to be laid off instead of the employees who worked for her. I saw a man offer to switch jobs so that his position could be eliminated, but someone wouldn't have to lose a job. Everyone was willing to evaluate their responsibilities to reduce cost so that no one else would go home jobless.

No one used death threats or burned the building down.

What kind of week has it been...

2010-05-10T19:42:00.002-04:00

Well.

I told my boss the other day that I wouldn't be so stressed out if I only had to deal with one emergency at a time. But life doesn't happen that way, does it?

Almost every workday in the last two weeks has felt like an episode of 24: either an emergency or the consequences of an emergency must be juggled and dealt with as quickly as possible before the situation spirals out of control. But it's not like I could simply drop what I was doing to deal with the new emergency, because I was still resolving the last emergency. All while trying to do the job tasks that have to be done everyday. And training someone, because one of our office has been out very sick the entire time. There would be a point every day where I would simply stare at my desk trying to triage all the tasks that I had to take care of immediately.

It's almost funny now, because the story doesn't end there. All week I fought insomnia. On one particular day, a truck driver decided to call my cellphone at 2:45 in the morning because he couldn't find our facility. Why he didn't call his dispatcher, I don't know. It took everything I had not to tell him off! He said "All they gave me is an address." I wanted to tell him to buy a map. Anyway, I never got back to sleep. So I decided to work a half day, go home at lunch, catch a nap, and live to fight another day. Quite literally 5 minutes before I was planning on leaving someone walked into my office with a huge problem that I needed to handle. I just shook my head.

Days like these offer my worst temptation for questioning God. I'm tired, harried, and using every ounce of mental effort I own to just keep my head above water. I want to ask why God couldn't space things out just a bit; after all, some days I'm really not busy at all. Is it too much to ask for one fire to fight at a time?

I managed to sneak away for just a couple minutes to grab lunch before jumping back into the fray. And that's when I got a phone call. One of my best friends called just too say that he had been praying for me but wanted to know if he could pray for something in particular. That's why I don't believe in coincidences. That timing is just too perfect. I think I was at the end of my rope. I was really ready to just let God have it when He extended a hand.

I told my friend a few days later that he saved my week. It's not like my week got any better. He just helped me with some perspective. And the realization that someone else is praying for you is powerful.

I would encourage you to pray for your friends. Pray often. And occasionally let them know about it. It can't hurt. Drop them a card, send a text, call them and tell them that you are thinking about them and prayed to God for them today. Isn't that what family is all about?

2010-04-01T18:04:00.002-04:00

Wow - I didn't realize it had been this long since I posted anything! Life (or in my case, PS3 and Xbox 360) get in the way, don't they? I'll post new thoughts later; for now, here is my video of the year, which you've probably already seen:

Remember

2010-01-09T07:05:00.003-05:00

My birthday is Monday.

I will be 31.

I probably won't do anything of consequence that day.

I just found out that January 11th (my birthday) is also Human Trafficking Awareness Day.

I used to be a title abstractor. That meant that I traveled to courthouses and researched property for companies that were refinancing homes. Usually it was pretty easy, but if I had to research a farm or something difficult, where the title did not get out of family for generations, the search could easily stretch back into the 1800s. I remember that a co-worker once brought a copy of a deed into the office. He had found it in Lowndes County, Georgia while looking at a property. Included in the deed was a "negro woman" with here children. I was shocked. I was holding in my hands a copy of a legal document detailing the sale of human beings just as coldly as the land that was included.

This problem is just as real today.

Please don't be naive or turn a blind eye and deaf ear to the fact that humans are bought and sold every day in this world, and possibly much closer to home than you think. And this slavery often takes the form of sexual slavery, in which human beings (often VERY young girls) are abducted and then sold to brothels.

You can help.

You may have seen or heard about International Justice Mission on tv.

Please visit their website and see how you can help fight this injustice that plagues our world.

I can't think of a better way to celebrate my birthday than to fight for other's freedom.

As promised...

2009-12-24T15:37:00.000-05:00

A video blog(s) about the remodeling of our new kitchen.

::throws up hands::

2009-12-15T19:03:00.002-05:00

I've been trying to upload videos of our kitchen remodeling project, but it's not going well. My internet provider, who shall go nameless (but is the same company that provides the cell service for my iPhone), has not made me very happy lately. It took a week just to get internet after they promised it, and now it doesn't want to let me upload videos. I shall valiantly press forward and find a way anyway.

On a complete side note, it's been a crazy month. I don't know why that surprises me anymore - it's always crazy in December!

Our worship team sang in a couple programs, which is fun but time-consuming and stressful to prepare for. And it didn't help that I've been fighting a cold for a week now.

We weren't sure how big a Christmas we were going to be able to do because of the house purchase, but that all worked out, so now we've been trying to get everything ready for Daniel's birthday and Christmas and an open house I (accidentally) volunteered us for.

The nice part is that it seems like work is actually calming down. I'm training a new employee who is catching on very quick and that will let me focus on some more specific projects. And I'm getting some extra time off because of the holidays, which isn't something I'm really used to, so that will be VERY nice.

This has also been a nice season for me to remember how far we've come in a year.

A year ago this week we were finishing getting ready for Christmas, blissfully unaware of the present we would get. We even went to church that morning, and then out to eat after church, convinced that Kellie was having a "false" labor. That afternoon I was holding my newborn son.

It has been a year of challenges. Kellie has had some postpartum emotions that I don't think either of us anticipated or really knew how to deal with. Daniel had colic, which is an experience that has got to be trying to even the best parents. Daniel burnt his hands a few months ago and it just broke our hearts.

And yet his smile is something I'll never fail to joy in.

His sense of humor gets me every time.

The way he lights up when we clap for him is humbling; it reminds us of the impact and influence we have over these young ones.

There are characteristics of his, though, that I need to watch, and make sure that I focus on the positive side.

His determination is awe-inspiring, but can be frustrating.

He has a constant need to explore (even more so than is normal - he would set out on an Arctic expedition right now), which means we have to watch for danger EVERYWHERE.

His passion is captivating, but can turn to anger very quickly.

This is the best job in the world.

Kellie and I did not want to know the sex of our babies before we had them. It just seemed like a fun surprise to us. Yet for some reason we thought we were having a girl this time. So when I was handed Daniel I just remember breaking out into the biggest smile, because I knew that God had a reason for giving us another son, and I just remember reveling in that moment. It was a great surprise and a great Christmas present!

And so it has been a month of remembering for me. Remembering where I was a year ago, and how much has changed since then.

I interviewed for a job on the other side of the country.

I later changed jobs (but stayed here).

We went from tag-teaming one kid to man coverage with two.

We bought a house(!).

It's been a good year.

P.S. Daniel took his first step on Sunday, and then just took off walking tonight!

P.P.S. We won a really cool contest, and I'll tell you more about that soon! (sing with me: "Just keep swimming...")

Upgrade, upgrade...

2009-11-15T19:20:00.002-05:00

I am recording video of our renovations at the new house. I plan on posting them as video blogs of before, during, and after videos of certain projects. I missed the beginning of one project, but I'm doing pretty well with another one. So keep a weather eye out for those...

On a completely different note, a friend on mine just bought me Apple's new Magic Mouse. Needless to say, I'm loving it. I love Apple's products anyway, but anytime they release something that is more intuitive I wonder how I did without it. I just like being able to scroll anywhere on the mouse. As Eddie Izzard (the comedian) would say, "I do not have techno-fear, I have techno-joy!"

Pay the bills

2009-11-07T08:16:00.002-05:00

I paid our bills yesterday. Thanks goodness it's not a stressful event the way it used to be. We have been trying to live debt-free for a couple years now and it's wonderful. Now, this year has not been the debt-free success we wanted it to be, but we're not in deep and we're getting out soon.

But there's one bill I just picked up that I don't mind paying at all - as a matter of fact, I look forward to it. And even though we just closed on our first home yesterday, I'm not talking about that bill (especially since we haven't seen it yet - first payment's due in January). We recently started sponsoring a child through Compassion International and I couldn't be happier. Every time I write the check I feel like I will be making a tangible difference in a person's (in this case, a 4-year old boy's) life. We decided to sponsor him because we decided that if we lived near him, DJ and he would be friends. Maybe we'll soon be able to sponsor a child Daniel's age.

I say all of this to say: if you didn't owe money for debts, what bills could you pay that you would love to? Would you set aside money to help needy people you come across or hear about? Would you sponsor children in other countries who are going hungry? Would you pay for Bible translations? Would you dig wells so that others could have clean water?

What would you do?

Now - what are you going to do to free yourself and your finances to the point that they are usable to God?

P.S. I'm not saying I've got this right yet, but it's something I'm working on.

P.P.S. It's just $38 to sponsor a child with Compassion. Check it out.

2009-10-28T18:45:00.002-04:00

I cannot describe the joy I get out of watching my sons grow.

I was fascinated by watching DJ learn object permanence: the fact that just because you cannot see something does not mean that is has ceased to exist.

Daniel picked that up so quickly it was almost scary.

I was talking with a co-worker the other day about how when other people look at my kids, they remark on how similar they are. And yet, when I look at them, I marvel at how different they are.

When DJ was a baby, he could take or leave toys. He wanted someone around at all times. He wanted to look at someone's face more than play with a toy. Daniel has wanted to have something in his hands constantly. He is very tactile. Of course the problem with that is he wants to put everything in his mouth!

DJ is very extroverted, but if he gets his feelings hurt, he gets very sad very quickly. Daniel lashes out if his feeling are hurt - he wants you to feel his pain (usually in an auditory way!). DJ gets in your face. Daniel will hit you in the face.

DJ is verbose, especially for his age. He is a talker. Daniel is a doer. And he likes to solve problems. They are both very smart, but they show it in different areas. It was amazing for me to watch DJ teach himself the alphabet at 2 with a toy; and again I watched in amazement as Daniel figured out how a puzzle worked just by looking at it.

I love my sons.

It is also very interesting to me to see human nature in ones so young. Daniel and I took a walk last night, and he was more interested in the loud cars in the distance than the beautiful woods around us. Isn't that just like us? We spend our time, energy, and attention on passing noisemakers instead of the quiet beauty that surrounds us.

How do we teach? What moments do we use to instruct? How do I explain to them that the world will fill up their eyes with bright shiny toys and their ears with loud noises, but none of those will be fulfilling? They are all like pretty cars that speed by on a highway. The true beauty is in the muted colors of the fall forest. The prettiest sounds are softly sung by the birds.

God whispers.

Do we listen?

"Be still, and know that I am God"

Home, Sweet Home

2009-09-30T17:00:00.004-04:00

Well, we're finally taking the plunge.

We're buying a house!

My wife has been asking me about buying for more than a year. I didn't think we could afford it until she proved me wrong. Guess I should have listened!

Anyway, we have been looking for a couple months now, but we kept coming back to one that we really liked. To be honest, we kept coming back to two th

at we really liked. I liked one better and Kellie liked one better.

The funny thing is, I've always gotten "feelings" about houses. Whenever I walk into a house I can tell if I'll live there. I don't know how, I try not to listen to it, I try to be fair about other places, but somehow I know. I just feel at home and can immediately see us and our stuff there.

Well, the house I liked better was the one I was more comfortable in. So I really thought about it before talking to Kellie about it, because I wanted to listen to her opini

on and not just make a HUGE decision based on my feelings alone. But this house would also end up being cheaper, as well.

Long story short, when I finally decided to share my thoughts with her, she was fine with it. So we put in an offer the next day and it was accept

ed the day after that! We put in what we considered to be a fair offer but expected it to at least be countered. I really think that God is helping us in this effort. Anyway, I'll share a few photos and leave it at that! We're super excited about moving into a house of our own in a gorgeous part of town. May God bless us and our house, that all may be used for His glory and renown. Amen.

busy, busy, busy

2009-09-11T16:03:00.002-04:00

I haven't posted up here in over a month. And it's not because nothing is happening, it's just that this is one of the things I have trouble remembering to do. A lot of times I have plenty of thoughts I'd like to get down, but by the time I get home I've forgotten them.

So I'm going to be trying a couple new things. One is (perhaps) recording some video blogs. I have a small video machine and I have an iPhone 3G(S) that records video, so if I have a stray thought that's rant-worthy I'm going to try to record it.

I'm also trying to remember to take my notebook with me wherever I go so I can write. Now, you need to understand - I'm not a writer. I don't think I'm very good at it. My style of writing isn't especially poetic or lyrical or even Twitter-ific. When I blog I tend to get all my thoughts on a subject out as quickly as possible. As vulgar as this may sound, my type of writing should be described as cathartic, because it's more like vomiting via written word. There is just something I have to get out, and I type until it's out. I rarely edit what I write; that was something I had to learn in English class and I still did it sparingly. I just type (or write) until there's nothing left. It amazes me that some people seem (to me) to write as an artist doodles - they just do it for fun. I can't do that. So if I take my notebook with me, it's more to take notes on my thoughts and maybe record a certain phrase that I know will spur me to pontificate (I keep using that word lately, I don't know why. Although it could have something to do with the fact that I started wondering the other day if the etymology of it comes from "pontiff.").

Anyway, I do like to keep up with things that are going on and wish I did a better job. I also wish that Blogger had an iPhone app that made it much easier, like WordPress does. Then I would just blog from airplanes and airports and cars and lunch and all the interesting places that I've gotten to go to this year.

So here's to keeping up. Now I just need to start working out, too!

P.S. I may need to post on Detroit - went there a couple weeks ago and really thought it was interesting!

Here, on the edge...

2009-07-31T19:50:00.002-04:00

I've been challenged by several people I know and some I just follow this year. I keep hearing stories of those who have made wholesale changes in their lives, stepping out in faith to do what they feel they've been called to. The challenging part, though, is that by definition "stepping out in faith" means you cannot see what will be catching your foot.

A blogger I follow left what I would consider a great job to do something he has always wanted to do. He's created a new story, and he's trusting that God will bless it and others through it, but he just doesn't know.

I don't like not knowing.

(A small caveat: I am not trying to describe my story as a leap of faith like Ben Arment's. Mine is more of a small step of faith, but I feel it's significant to me.)

I was really good at my job. I could do just about anything there without a terrible amount of effort. I was good with goals, good at motivating people, good at the actual tasks, careful (and care-full) about the process, and good at training others.

And I was bored.

God provided me with several job offers this year. What is interesting, looking back, is the opportunities that each decision afforded.

I could have stayed right where I was, doing the same thing I had done for years. This is undoubtedly what I would have done years ago. Something I have discovered about myself over the last few years, and my friends have know for much longer, is that I am scared of change. Extremely afraid of change. Like, didn't go to college because I'm afraid of change. This choice would have required no faith and would have involved no growth.

I could have accepted a job offer to be the regional manager for a restaurant chain in the area. This offer came with a pretty good sum of money, as well. The problem is that even though there was money, there weren't many benefits. And the other problem is that it felt too safe for me. I knew I could do this job, and do it well. But this step would require little faith and have involved little growth.

I accepted a job with a plant near my city. While the overall idea of the job, which is inventory and purchasing, is very familiar to me, the rest would be brand new. It would be challenging. I would know almost nobody there and have to prove myself, and quickly. This step has required no small amount of faith and is involving growth.

There was a fourth choice, though. I could have accepted a youth ministry position for less money than I was making at my last job on the other side of the country. I loved the kids there and was really excited about going, and thought for a little bit that I was, but ended up turning it down. I just thought it was a bad decision for my family. That step would have required a LOT of faith and surely would have involved a lot of growth.

Let there be no doubt: I know God would have taken care of us if we had gone to New Mexico. Even if that was not what He wanted me to do, I know He still would have taken care of us. That's not to say it wouldn't have been hard (because we're not promised a comfortable life), but we would have had all we needed. I just wonder if that job offer was a test of my faith.

And I'm thankful that God provided me with options. I don't think it was a "pass" or "fail" test of faith, I think God is trying to show me that He needs me to trust Him. And I'm grateful that I still took a choice that requires me having more faith than I'm used to.

I've just come to realize that my success really has nothing to do with me.

I will always work as hard as I can - that's just who I am. But I've prayed a lot lately for God's help in doing a good job, because I'm now in a position where I don't know it all. As a matter of fact, I don't know much at all! And so I am acutely aware that when I succeed it is not because of me. I am doing everything I can to succeed, but God is providing the success. And so I am having to trust that even though I am trying to learn and do at the same time, God will make what I do good, and that if He does let me fail, it's for my own good.

I don't seem able to write a short blog post, and this is no exception, but if you've made it this far, I want you to understand something. I am a FIRM believer in Colossians 3:23-24: "²³Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, ²⁴since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." It is freeing to realize that if I act and work at my job as if the only one I am responsible to is God Himself, then I don't have to worry about what men think about me. If God decides that I keep my job, then I will keep it. If God decides that I lose my job, then I will lose it. Either way, He will take care of me. I don't have to be worried about my reputation or making a name for myself or covering up my mistakes. I'll let God worry about that. I'll just work hard and try to make Him proud.

So while I may not have taken a leap of faith, I have taken a few steps. And while it's scary at times, it's fun too. Thank God.

One Mile, One Verse

2009-07-14T17:17:00.003-04:00

I always excited when someone is passionate about bringing God to others. I can remember a friend of mine coming back from a Passion Conference on fire about a particular issue. Did you know that there are 200 million people who do not have the Bible in their language? It is the calling of One Verse to bring the Bible to all those people who don't have it. Only $26 will fund the translation of one verse of the Bible into one of these last languages.

What else do you know that comes in sets of 26? Marathons!

My friend also likes to run marathons and do triathlons. So he has joined Team One Verse, a running group devoted to raising money for Bible translation. As someone who believes very strongly that God often speaks to us through His Word, it means a lot to provide that Word to those who do not have it. My friend The Tri Runner is asking for whatever sponsorship you can provide for his performance in the Augusta Triathlon towards One Verse. You can click here to sponsor him. Please consider giving whatever you can to help him out. Make a sacrifice to help make a difference across the world. Thanks!

The Power of Positive Thinking

2009-07-03T12:30:00.001-04:00

I am becoming more and more convinced about some theories I have. And some recent goings-on have added relief to those thoughts.

I see too many people who invest their time, energy, and emotion into others' failure. From my perspective it's quite sad, but that's not to say that I don't understand where they're coming from. They've been hurt (whether actual or perceived doesn't matter) or abandoned or passed over, etc. and want retribution. And so they plot ways to make life hard for their "enemies." They keep tabs on them in hopes that they can rejoice in failure. And so often they dig themselves a deeper hole if and when that person succeeds instead of fails.

The problem is that others' pain is never enough to sate your pain.

The desire for revenge is just like lust, anger, materialism, or any emotion that is completely indulged - it is never-ending. More is never enough.

What happens is that the person succeeds and they grow more bitter. Or the person suffers a minor setback and it's not enough.

I can't live like that. I've grown tired of investing in other people's failure. I've grown tired of investing emotional energy in someone else's discontent. I'd much rather invest my time, energy, and emotion into my own success. I've been trying to think of people I know who have been consumed with negative emotions towards someone else and I can't think of one who went on the become a success in whatever it was they were doing. It takes too much time to try to plot the downfall of, think of the perfect snide comment for, or just to sit and stew over that person who annoyed you, or got your promotion, or didn't fulfill your every wish. Meanwhile, the person your angry with is too busy avoiding pitfalls, being nice, and proactively getting ahead in life. It's like the guy who got mad that I backed out of a parking space and got in the drive-thru ahead of him last night. He's cussing and fussing and pointing and mouthing off in his car and I'm getting a great laugh just looking at him!

That's one reason I think God tells us to forgive - to actually let go and cut the cord on our hate.

All of that negative energy spent on someone else (or yourself!) doesn't get anyone anywhere. It's just entrenchment. Besides, don't you believe that God has your best waiting for you? If God wanted you to get your every wish he wouldn't be looking out for your best interests, now would He? Maybe someone else got the promotion so that you wouldn't fail in that job. Maybe God has something else entirely in store for you. Maybe He knows you're not ready. Why prove that last point right by stewing about it for days, or weeks, or even longer? Why not swallow that pride and get to work improving yourself instead of trying to degrade someone else?

I do not think you can succeed if you are invested in others' failure. Your attention is divided. Let it go and move on to more important things. Wish them well and then you'll be able to rejoice when they succeed and work towards your own success.

Wouldn't you rather enjoy life than wallow in misery? Put on some music and sing - loudly. Watch your favorite movie. Go on a picnic. Smile. Pray.

Wow...

2009-06-25T15:57:00.003-04:00

Today was an interesting day.

I think I'm getting better at the parts of the job that I have been trained in. There are still some aspects that I really haven't had time to get trained in yet, but that'll come. I'm actually concerned that some of what I've been trained in this week was superfluous; I don't think it's part of what will be my normal job duties.

So anyway, I'm literally walking back to my desk to put up my stuff and leave when I get a message that one of the big guys needs me to call him. So I do and he needs a lot of information. And it's not necessarily information I can get quickly. Hmmm. So it kept me there a little later than planned. I hope I can get it all together before he asks me again! Anyway, just a peek into what's been happening. At least now I have a desk and a phone!

Today also started off as one of those days in which everything takes longer than it should. So I knew something was up when I finished inventory unusually early. Shoulda seen this coming!

Can't wait!

2009-06-18T12:38:00.001-04:00

Poem

2009-06-16T09:00:00.000-04:00

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20

Is it Mostly Sunny or Partly Cloudy?

2009-06-13T12:54:00.002-04:00

I've always liked to think that our best character traits are the way that we are most like God.

For instance, we have all heard of people who "have the patience of a saint." I believe that they actually have the patience of God. Love, mercy, compassion, reason, creativity, even things like perceptiveness and discernment. If we are made in God's image, then what part of Him do you look like? Maybe these are the gifts of The Holy Spirit; maybe they're God's personal stamp on you that He placed there when He looked at you and said "It is good!" God gave us these traits out of Himself and when we are operating out of them, we are acting out of our true selves.

It may be mine that I tend to look at people out of a sense of eternal optimism. Which is probably why I get so disappointed when those I know act exactly how I thought they would, but not how I had hoped they would. I'd like to think of this as a good part of my character, that I am always hoping that someone will operate out of the best of themselves, that they will choose the wiser path, that they will bloom. I also try to encourage others to live up to their best, and I get very emotional when I see them accomplish it, or at least take the next step. But it seems to be so rare. Much more often people don't choose to stretch for the better or best they can be, but instead do what they're used to. I'm as guilty of it as anybody: the desire to be comfortable overwhelms the desire to work at being better.

I like to think that God is the same way. He hopes the best for us every day. Maybe the only way God can love us after the things we do is because He's optimistic. He knows how He made us and what we can be if we will walk and talk with Him. Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Trust Him, for

God is not a man, that He should lie,

       nor a son of man, that He should change his mind.
       Does He speak and then not act?
       Does He promise and not fulfill? (Numbers 23:19)

My heart is let down whenever someone doesn't live up to the best of themselves. When they choose to be petty instead of great. When they choose to follow the crowd instead of blazing a new trail. When they chase what they want instead of what they need. When they don't have courage to back up their convictions and life choices, but instead look for opportunities to escape them.

My heart hurts worst when I do these same things.

These are choices, even if the worse option is easier to choose than the better. Just because a choice is easy doesn't make it the right one; God often works in a way we would consider paradoxical, so the difficult choice sometimes is the right one (and ends up being easier in the long run). Make God happy today. Be everything you and He know you can be.

The Beginning is The End is The Beginning...

2009-06-07T16:19:00.002-04:00

I finished my first week at my new job. What a crazy week! The first couple days were mostly orientation stuff, just filling out paperwork and getting to know people. I started to get my feet wet during the last couple days, and it's exciting already! Even though I will still be training for a couple weeks, a few responsibilities have been pushed my way so that I can start getting used to it.

I had to be there at 6 am Thursday and Friday, so I'm getting some practice getting up EARLY. It hasn't been that bad, as long as I monitor what time I go to bed the night before. And Friday I stayed up a little late after getting up at 4 am because I could sleep in the next morning. I need to be there at 5:30 Monday, so slowly I'm working my way to the time I'll most likely have to come in once I'm done training, which will probably be about 4:30 or 5 in the morning! While that's really early in the morning, it shouldn't be too bad because I'll be off mid-afternoon and have the weekends off. So plenty of time to rest.

It was a weird experience, my last two days at Zaxby's. Most of my jobs have ended without me needing to put in a notice (such as the job in which my boss was a crook and couldn't guarantee my paycheck would be good), so this is only the second time I've really worked out a notice longer than a week. It was an interesting transition, not just from my standpoint, but also watching them move me out and get used to the idea of not having me around. I have probably had more influence at Zaxby's than any other place I have ever been, so in a way it was bittersweet. Many of the people who work there I hired. Most of the managers were trained by me. The three managers at each store who I had had the most influence over I worked with on my last days. We reminisced some and I tried to leave each with a piece of advice. I will miss the people I worked around, even if I don't necessarily miss the environment. I was SO ready to get out of the restaurant business. So I'll miss the people, but some of us are going to definitely keep in touch and I'm sure we'll see each other often. They're my friends and not just because we worked together. So anyways, it's a time of new beginnings (sorry for the Smashing Pumpkins song title at the beginning)! Hopefully I'll be able to report that we as a family are moving soon!

btw...

2009-06-01T12:43:00.000-04:00

I really should give some credit to those whom it is due. The picture that adorns the top of my blog was taken by a friend of ours who does AWESOME photography. Look her up!

Praise You in this storm...

2009-05-30T14:10:00.003-04:00

WOW.

I took a group from our church to go see Hillsong United this past Wednesday. They have become probably my favorite worship band over the last couple years. Their album "United We Stand" is great from beginning to end. And then last year they released an album whose cover was simply this image:

I love that. It can be the simplest in iconography, but there is a lot of depth to the image as well. We Americans are used to seeing "I ♥ NY" or whatever else. But this is much simpler. "I Love" - period. And at the center of the heart is Jesus, the reason for that love. I bought the t-shirt at the concert, by the way ;).

Anyway, Hillsong United usually do not play very many shows in the USA, so I was thrilled when I saw that they were coming to Atlanta. So they get kicked off and obviously we're having a great time. Then the youth pastor from Hillsong Church gets up to talk and I'm loving it. Then things got really going.

You see, I loved the stage production that night. The lighting is good, but it takes some of the focus off of the band, which enables the audience to focus on God. I think that's a great decision. Besides, God had His own light show planned.

Right after the guy gets done talking it starts raining. We're sitting on the last row of seats that are (barely) covered by the pavilion. Didn't matter, 'cause we were gonna get wet. The rain keeps getting harder and harder and yet no one seemed to care. The rain even was coming under the pavilion and getting on stage, and yet the band came back out and kept playing (I don't know why I expected them to quit). So within a few minutes we're soaked but having a great time. Near the end they sang one of their new songs, "Your Name High" and the place went nuts. It was an amazing experience, and one I think I'll treasure for a long time. The energy was amazing and you could feel The Holy Spirit there. I don't know why the fact that it was raining made it so much more powerful, but I'm not sure I'll ever have another ~~concert~~ worship experience quite like it.

P.S. This is one of the best-sounding live bands ever. The End.

And so...

2009-05-11T19:09:00.003-04:00

I am ending my time with Zaxby's.

It has been 5 years. Originally, I had started there hoping to get some management experience that would help me in a career. I have gotten that and so much more. 5 years is longer than I have ever worked at one job, and I feel that it was the right time for a change.

I have not been looking for a new job so much as I have been entertaining offers. I have interviewed for 2 youth minister positions that did not work out, and I had pretty much despaired of finding something else after that. It is kinda neat how God works things out, though, isn't it?

I had a deal for a car almost drop into my lap last month. Good car, reliable, great mpg, great condition, good mileage, and VERY affordable. It turns out that I would need it for my new job, which is about 35 miles from my house. I was not certain that I would be able to go to this job, but it appears to be just what we need!

And so while I will not be getting into vocational ministry, I will still be able to work at Westwood while also bettering my family's situation.

Thank you, Father!

Georgia Aquarium

2009-05-04T12:37:00.009-04:00

We were able to take a trip to the Georgia Aquarium a couple weeks ago. That was fun! It was a family trip, but we often pick places that we know DJ will love. As anyone who knows us can attest, he is fascinated with marine life and talks incessantly about it. I was really excited about seeing the whale sharks, as they are examples of the largest fish in the world. In the video I made sure to put in the moment that we first saw them. There is a large window that is oriented towards the central area of the building so that it catches your attention. We were standing there before we entered the exhibit when we first saw the whale sharks. One went by and I caught it on camera and I thought it was huge. Then the BIG one went by and it is ginormous! I caught the last half of it on the tape. I hope you enjoy the video (if you can make it all the way through!).

Doors

2009-03-28T21:29:00.002-04:00

Well, I received an answer. And the answer was no. That was ok, but I had to take a couple days to get over the disappointment. I was pretty hopeful that I would be able to get out of a job that is not very stimulating anymore and doesn't look like it's ever going to pay better, but that wasn't up to me.

One of the funny things about this job hunting process has been that now two different places have told me that they like me, but apparently can't afford me. It's not like I can just up and move for any amount of money - I do have a family that I have to support. I guess I should stop complaining; it's just frustrating, especially when it felt like if the last opportunity had simply told me what they were offering early on I could have not wasted a month waiting.

Anyway, so I am staying at Zaxby's for the foreseeable. There is another dream that I'd like to chase, but it's a much more difficult one. Most people are going to laugh when I tell them what it is. I don't think that anyone doubts that I can do the job, they just doubt whether I could get to the job. But it would be something I well and truly love.

There's only one problem: it looks like someone that I probably could not compete with will also be in the running. This is where I usually get pretty depressed, because we've all heard the saying "When God closes a door He opens a window." Well this time it feels as if the window is being shut as the door is. Once again, that would be frustrating, but if God doesn't want that dream for me then so be it.

I just want to be able to chase my dreams and not keep thinking that I waited too long to do so.

Very interesting...

2009-02-28T19:25:00.002-05:00

So I'm poking around the internet last night and went to a blog that I've not been to in a while. It's interesting because a friend of mine and I have been discussing Lent for a couple of weeks. I haven't given anything up for Lent in a while, but we were discussing various things to fast from during the season leading up to Easter.

We come from a religious heritage that doesn't practice Lent, which I think actually gives me a greater appreciation for it. When I was dating Kellie and visited the Methodist congregation that she attended, I remember really liking the fact that they recited the Apostles' Creed. I think it had meaning for me that it didn't for those who attended all the time because I hadn't grown up saying it. Lent (when I actually do it) has a greater meaning for me because I choose to do it, not I have to.

That's not to say that I've never fasted, because I have. I just had never done it for the 40 days leading up to Easter. I love the discipline of fasting. I think it focuses you in a way that few other things can. You take an integral part of your life and sacrifice it for time with God. If you fast from food, then every time you are hungry you intentionally devote yourself to prayer instead. It is a way of saying that you need spiritual food more than physical food. I have heard of many other types of fasting, but I prefer fasting from food. It feels very pure to me.

However, Anne's fast is so interesting to me that I wish I had thought of it. She is fasting from blogging, Facebook, and Twitter. Wow. Talk about something that could be sacrificed for more time with God! I know God will bless her immensely through this, but I was struck by how hard that would be for me. I am constantly on Facebook, whether it's at a computer or on my iPhone. I just started Twittering. And I'm always trying to think of something interesting to blog about. Could you imagine if every time you wanted to check your Facebook you prayed instead? How much time would you be spending with God each day? What could you talk about?

The great thing about a fast like hers is that it challenges you to ask where your priorities really are.

Taaaake C!

2009-02-21T21:14:00.002-05:00

Why does God take "C"?

Let me explain: I'm in the middle of making a very hard decision. It really should be simple, but just isn't. And in my own over-analytical way, I've probably made it even more maddeningly complex than it should be. But that's just Being Scott Sapp. Welcome to my world.

There have been times in my life (and this is one of them) that I have asked God very specific questions and also asked for a yes or no answer. A or B.

And God answers "C".

I have no idea what "C" means. It wasn't in my original question. It's not so much frustrating as it is confusing. I wonder if God doesn't care; not in a detached way, but in a way that says "Just make a decision - I'll bless you either way!" And sometimes I wonder if it's a test of faith.

Should I sacrifice my goals to do what I would love, or do I play it safe and hope it works out better than the chance I could have taken?

Cool song, cooler video

2009-02-04T15:43:00.001-05:00

I saw this on a blog that I follow. This is one of those times that I like the song, but the video is so amazing that I can't get it out of my head. Really good filmmaking.

Thoughts on being 30

2009-01-13T08:16:00.003-05:00

Well, I turned 30 this past Sunday. Wow. There are times I stop and think, "I'm 30 years old, am married and have 2 kids - when did all this happen?!" Time goes by so quickly.

However, that sure beats waking up at 30 and wondering why I don't have a family!

Or not waking up at 30 at all.

I read a quote on Myspace the other day that said "I plan on living forever. So far, so good!"

It is funny how we as humans are creatures of habit. Out brains are designed so as to filter out repetitive sounds and such so that we can focus, but it's amazing how we filter out life sometimes to just "get by". We get into habits, or ruts, or just put our life on cruise control and next thing you know another year has gone by and we haven't done much except get up and go to work.

Maybe that's my New Year Resolution - to use my time more wisely. I feel like I made a good start last year, but I still have a lot of growing to do.

I want to spend more time with my family.

I want to take more pictures.

I want to teach DJ baseball.

I want to chase my dreams - or at least whichever one seems more reachable.

By the way (and I know this whole post has been random), here is a website I found this morning that is advertising itself as The Best Job Ever. I think I'm going to apply!

What did YOU get for Christmas?!

2008-12-26T20:13:00.006-05:00

Well, I haven't posted on here in a long while. It's not because I haven't wanted to, it's simply because there hasn't been much to say. I spent almost all of late November and December sick and working almost non-stop.

Sick, because this is the time of year when we get busy and I don't get the rest I need; my immune system isn't the best in the world (a lymph node infection and then a serious bout with pneumonia will do that to you) and that combined with all the viruses going around and sinus junk and lack of rest can make for a miserable month.

I already knew that I would be working a little more than normal this month, but I decided to work even more so that I could take a couple extra days off around Christmas without using vacation time. Good plan, but it's made for a long month.

So there I am, the Saturday before Christmas, finishing my shopping. I had already helped my dad clean out his shop that morning and moved a brand-new washing machine into the house. I was as sick as I had been all month, but I knew this was the best chance for me to get done with my shopping. I'm a notorious late shopper usually anyway, but I at least knew what I was looking for. Whether I'd find it or not was a different story.

What I was looking for was a gold heart necklace with a garnet in the middle. The garnet was for two reasons: it is Kellie's birthstone and it would be our new baby's birthstone. However, try as I might, I could not find one anywhere. So Dude and I are wandering through the mall Saturday night when I decided to go to Zales. I still can't find the necklace I'm looking for, but I found a very pretty white gold and diamond one.

While at the mall, I also decided to buy an ornament. I kept wanting to buy a "Baby's First Christmas" ornament, but kept stopping because the baby wouldn't be born until after Christmas! So I settled on a Winnie the Pooh storytelling one. I then quickly finished up my shopping and went home. I was so tired I was asleep by 7:30! I woke up for a while in the middle of the night, but still, I was asleep very early.

The reason for all of this became apparent the next day, 12/21/08. Kellie had been mentioning that she was having unusually strong Braxton-Hicks contractions, and I was beginning to suspect that they might actually be real ones. However, we got up and went to church like normal. I even asked Dude in the middle of service to keep an eye on Kellie because she was still having them and I had to sing on the worship team. We even went out to lunch, just like normal.

Well, needless to say, the contractions were real, and when I finally smelled the coffee and understood that we were having a baby, I was very surprised. Kellie was not due until January 7th, so this was three weeks early. However, everything went very well and Daniel Stephen Sapp made his debut at 6:28 pm!

It has been a crazy week since then. I have tried three times to put this blog post up. I have been trying to attach more pictures to it, but to no avail. Not only am I having trouble putting the pictures in the specific places in the blog that I want them to be, but now I can't even get the pictures to upload at all.

We are trying to get into something like a routine with sleep and all, but I pity Kellie when I have to go back to work. It's going to be quite a task to keep track of an almost 4 year old with a newborn! But I'm committed to doing whatever I can to help.

So I got probably the best Christmas present I can think of! And I got to back to the store and buy that "Baby's First Christmas" ornament that I had been looking at just a couple of days before. And Kellie's necklace was perfect! As is Daniel Stephen! Praise the Lord!

When in doubt, punt

2008-11-17T09:00:00.003-05:00

Well, I pondered some of the technical issues that I am having with the podcast, and decided to stop trying to have the best podcast in the world and instead just have a podcast. It kinda goes back to a session I was in at Echo earlier this year when Shawn Wood talked about what he calls "The Excellence Myth." He said that sometimes we worship excellence and not only does it provide us with an idol, but it also keeps us from doing that which is effective.

So maybe I was spending a little too much time trying to figure out how to efficiently make and enhanced podcast, because it was keeping us from having a podcast at all. And I can always make an enhanced podcast later. I was able to add the sound from a video we played to one of the podcasts, though! I also need to track down once and for all the source of that buzz in the recordings. I'm pretty sure it's the jack through which the computer records the audio, but I'd sure like to get rid of it.

Anyway, we are doing a little bit of a retreat tonight and tomorrow. It's time to plan out '09, and I'm really excited! However, I'm feeling a little under the weather this morning, so I might have a cold while we do this. Also, I'll be away from my friend the interweb until Tuesday night! Whatever will I do without Facebook, MySpace, and the news and blogs I follow? I might even have to (::shudder::) interact with other people!

Oh well, this is me signing off.

Technobabble, without the cool beats

2008-11-02T21:50:00.004-05:00

Well, I'm just a little frustrated.

I produce a podcast. (You see it there, just to your right, in the column on the side of the page? Check it out!) I didn't realize how much would go into it, so I feel terminally behind in getting episodes online. It's not that it's a huge deal, it's just that I like to do things well and there are some things I'd like to do that I'm running into speed bumps trying to do. For instance, GarageBand won't let me export a podcast with artwork as an MP3 file, only as an AAC file. Why, I don't know. However, I can't upload an AAC file to our hosting service, Podbean.

Now, I'd like to do all kinds of cool things to enhance the podcast, such as having artwork or certain images or Scriptures appear on an iPod's screen at certain times. However, it wouldn't do me much good to attach those images if I couldn't upload the file to the interweb.

It's not that I think these things are hard, it's just that I don't have any training for them, so I have to teach myself. I know how to do these things in theory, just not in practice. Anyone who'd like to help would be much appreciated!

Conspiracy

2008-10-29T19:07:00.003-04:00

Here's an idea:

What do you think? Isn't it time to stop trying to find meaning and quality family time in what is bought, and instead in what is given? What if instead of buying gifts we gave our hearts?

The roof is on fire!

2008-10-20T20:42:00.002-04:00

You gotta love hard work.

I mean, the kind that feels back-breaking. The I-know-I'm-going-to-feel-this-tomorrow work. There's just something healthy about it, the way you can see your work, know when you are done. There isn't as much middle ground, not a whole lot of gray area. It's either done or not.

We at Westwood had the opportunity to do something that had been in the works for a little over a year. The idea was first discussed on the way back from Catalyst '07, when we decided on the theme for this year, which is Giving and Living (or Live and Give, as it's become). The idea was to close the doors of the church one Sunday and serve instead. Actually serving as a worship service (Romans 12:1).

As with all such ideas, it went through several iterations before the actual Sunday. We had a breakfast and small service at the building, ending at the time normal services begin. Then we all went out to serve. There were many different projects, but the main one was the roofing of a house.

Now, I actually like roofing. I helped a neighbor's family roof her house when I was a young teenager. It's something I find kinda fun. I don't know why; it probably has something to do with swinging a hammer and being off the ground. The problem is that I'm not used to hard work like this!

We actually started Saturday morning, stripping the roof of the old shingles, tar paper, and nails. I had to go to work for a few hours that afternoon, but I was able to come back to help put the last of the new tar paper back on. We started back at 7:30 Sunday morning, and were just beginning to lay shingles when some of us left to do the short service at the building. We came back and laid shingles all afternoon, until it was too dark to see. Man, that's hard work. I've got blisters and sore muscles and cuts and sore muscles and torn-up shoes and more sore muscles! We had quite a few people but almost all of us were (are) novices. I laid shingles with just a hammer and nails and then did it with a nail gun. I laid shingles vertically and horizontally. I laid them in teams and by myself. I hung a leg off the roof and wouldn't go near one edge. I do have one request: I wish they made nails in different flavors. I would always hold a couple in my mouth and wish they'd make them in Skittles flavors. I know you're not supposed to hold nails in your mouth, but I have small hands - it's difficult to hold nails and nail at the same time for me. Anyway, some people had to go back today to finish up. I was able to head back this afternoon for the last little bits. I even think I was the last one off of the roof.

It sure is nice to see a job finished.

Is there an Echo in here?

2008-09-16T21:22:00.000-04:00

Well, I had a status update on Facebook a few days back that said I needed to be blogging or podcasting, but instead I was watching the Dodgers and Cowboys (one on my computer, the other on the living room TV). Well, I'm watching the Dodgers again (they're winning, by the way) but I'm going to blog anyway. I made a new podcast yesterday.

It has been a little tough to write new blog posts lately. I haven't really had the time to sit down, collect my thoughts and write something I felt would be worth reading. But we're going to do this a little more off the cuff tonight.

First off, I'm terribly excited because it looks like the Dodgers are going to the playoffs. And their team is just good enough to make the World Series this year. Granted, they are not the best team, but they can definitely beat anyone on any given night, and everything seems to be coming together at the right time. Also, if the Tampa Bay Rays make the playoffs, I might try to go to one of their playoff games. I've never been to an October baseball game so I'd really like to go. Los Angeles isn't really an option, so I'll go to Tampa Bay, where Kellie and I saw a game on our honeymoon.

Matt and I went to a conference in Dallas last month called Echo. It was slightly different than I expected, but it was really good. I think that Matt and I were both getting things out of the conference, but I think we really were challenged and encouraged by the last session. We went to different ones - the one I went to was called Church 2.0 . It was based off of a book that will be coming out soon of the same name, and was a discussion of how the Church can use Web 2.0 technologies to benefit the Body of Christ. It was extremely informative, and encouraged me not to discount some avenues simply because they exist in a virtual world. I jokingly told others after that session that I wanted to be the "online pastor" for Westwood.

Some interesting thoughts from that session:

1. Online, user-generated content is basically a contract. A blog or podcast should be updated regularly if you want people to read or listen to it. The idea that it was rude to not blog on a regular basis was rather paradigm-shifting for me; I never would have thought of a blog as a social contract.

2. With Web 2.0's move toward web-based applications, most of what is used in the user-created web atmosphere is done with free applications. So creating content in Web 2.0 is not costly in money, just in time.

3. The term "Online Missionary" was used. Initially I thought of this as someone using the web to reach people in other countries. However, it was defined further as Christians reaching others on the web, regardless of their physical location. This really put words around a feeling that I have had for some time - the idea of living missionally online. This is why I like the idea of an "Online Pastor" - that someone could actually lead others to Jesus through how they act online. Your Facebook page could have an affect on someone else's life! I'm all for transparency and honesty, but we should also be purposeful in what we do in our social communities online, so that even on our MySpace page God is glorified.

Just some thoughts for now. Good night, and go Dodgers!

Where is the time going?

2008-09-03T17:48:00.000-04:00

Well, I've only got about 6 different ideas that I'm working on for blogs right now. Updates on trips, pregnancy, and just some general ideas. Unfortunately, it's finding the time to blog that's been difficult lately. Hopefully I'll be able to dedicate some time to it soon. I am also hoping to post a review of each of the "major" presidential candidates convention speeches. Anyone who knows me knows that I love politics, so I might as well share some of my feelings about that up here. But first I've got to watch both of them!

Do check out the link to the podcast that I produce. It is for my church, Westwood Church in Albany, Ga. I'm also considering sprucing things up by adding some pictures - maybe even a video or two! Hopefully nothing too crazy, though.

Peace

Scott

Hey, Preacher Man!

2008-08-13T17:18:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting experience about a month ago. I preached my first sermon. I guess with all the speaking I have done, that was one I'd missed somehow. Anyway, the opportunity sort of fell into my lap, and it's something I've always wanted to do, so I was glad to take it.

Everyone was much more than kind about it - so many people told me that I did well. And I say that not to pat myself on the back, just as appreciation for others appreciating what I did. After putting a lot of work into something, it's very nice to hear that others think it was worth it.

The funny thing is that I didn't feel especially nervous, probably because I'm used to talking in front of people, especially these people. However, the nerves I did feel came from the fact that speaking is much different than just talking for a couple of minutes. I had the floor all to myself for 25 minutes, and I couldn't just stumble my way through some random thoughts.

The sermon is online now, and after listening to it, it is funny to me how much I tried to cram in to 25 minutes. I had times myself the day before and realized that I was running too long, but trusted myself to be nervous enough to do it quickly. It still was pretty funny to hear myself almost rushing through some points. But I did realize that my first point actually had three sub-points; something I didn't even realize as I was writing it! Anyway, I definitely had a good time and was thankful for the opportunity - I hope God was happy with the result. It's something I'd like to do again if I had the chance.

P.S. It was quite funny that a friend of mine in the audience said (just loud enough for me to hear) "No pressure!" just as I started - way to make me feel more comfortable!

CT Scan

2008-07-26T21:23:00.000-04:00

Well, I had a CT Scan for my head a few weeks back. I hit my head on the metal side of a venthood at work and was feeling pretty bad, so the doctor told me to get one. The interesting thing about that is I've hit my head so many times that I've always wondered what a CT scan would reveal.

I have had several head injuries that were at least mild concussion level. I once fell out of a barn and landed on my head. I was once knocked unconcious during a self-defense class (believe it or not, I was helping train in the class - some people learn too well!). I was kicked in the face during a sparring match and suffered a broken cheekbone and my worst concussion; three weeks later I cracked the back of my head against a wooden armrest. After that one, I really started noticing funny things, like memory loss.

Well, with this latest one, I went to the ER after I hit my head and the doctor pretty much just sent me on my way after completely ignoring my symptoms (thank you, hospital that is not Phoebe in Albany, GA). But the next day I felt absolutely horrible. So a CT scan.

Good news - the brain scan was negative! The (other) doctor said that everything was normal. I had once been told by a doctor in passing that I should studiously avoid any activity that could lead to more head injuries. She even said that more could potentially be fatal! Well, no need to worry about that now. Even though I am suffering from post-concussion syndrome (ahhh, headaches, I missed y'all), I don't have to limit my activities to the less-than-dangerous. As long as I don't get blistering headaches from something, I'm free!

So, you know what this means, right? Hello, sparring!

9 months

2008-07-22T21:08:00.000-04:00

Wow, time flies. It's been 9 months since I've updated this thing! And it's not like it's been a boring 9 months. It has been busy, especially with work. I've been kinda burying myself sometimes in both work and the church. And with a new baby on the way, 9 months is a good theme for this post.

That's right, we have a new baby on the way! I am kinda hoping for a girl this time. Since our first child (DJ) is a boy, I'd like to complete the set ;-) Because we didn't find out if DJ was a boy or girl until he was born, we had both boy and girl names picked out. We are not planning on finding out the sex of this baby either. So the only name we had to decide on was a boy's name. So, if the baby is a girl her name will be Christianne Marie Sapp, and if the baby is a boy his name will be Daniel Stephen Sapp. Also, because we don't want to call our baby an "it", we have a nickname for him or her. We called DJ "Kiddo" while Kellie was pregnant with him, and this baby we are calling "Scoot." I was called "Scooter" a lot as a kid (of course), and Kellie's parents called her "Scoot" as a kid, so the nickname just fit.

Anyway, Scoot is due sometime in January, so I guess I'll update progress! And some cool things have happened lately; I plan on writing a few more posts soon.

Helpless

2007-10-12T21:02:00.000-04:00

I think the worst feeling in the world, at least for me, is helplessness. That sudden realization that there is nothing you can do in a situation. I was reading about Mike Coolbaugh, the first-base coach who was killed by a foul-ball line-drive a couple of months ago. Sports Illustrated had an excellently written article about the effects his death had on his family, team, and the young man who hit the ball.

And then they re-told the moment. I was already emotional over the story, but the description of his state when they reached him really tears me up. Because (having some First Aid training and such) I realized that there would have been absolutely nothing I could have done except what one person did: sit there and cry "Don't leave, Mike!" It is a tragic story, and a terrible feeling.

Maybe that's why I like to attack things. I hate even the feeling of helplessness, and the reality of it is overwhelming to me. At work, that is what makes me want to quit - when I feel helpless about a situation. But I think that because that is something that I fear, I also tend to see it when it is not there.

The only good result of helpless feelings is the thought "All I have now is God." And I think God is saying "DUH! That's all you should need!" Every time I hear that phrase (or say it myself) I think of how ridiculous it is that the very last place we turn, our last resort, is God. Shouldn't He be our first resort? Shouldn't we turn to Him before it becomes hopeless? Isn't He much more capable anyway? That's not such a helpless feeling.

blech

2007-10-09T16:34:00.000-04:00

Why do I feel sometimes that my spiritual gift is dealing with dissappointment?

Catalyst

2007-10-08T09:49:00.000-04:00

Well, I got back from the Catalyst Conference 2007 late Friday night. It was an amazing experience. Last year was a brand-new experience for me, so it was all surprising. This year I expected Andy Stanley to be good (duh!), but really didn't know who else would challenge me. Well, in between Patrick Lencioni (funny, but lost his place a lot!), Francis Chan, Rick Warren, Craig Groeschel, and Andy Stanley again, it was better than last year!

There seemed to be a lot of speakers talking about what the church is DOING now. We seem to work so hard on making sure that our church is growing, our church is getting a new building, our contribution is coming in, our people have things to do. Maybe the focus should be (at least 50% of the time) outward. There are so many problems in the world: diseases, massive poverty, hunger, the sex trade, and so many more. We can all chip in. There are so many good charities and organizations that we can give to that will help with all these problems.

But there are also so many people that need our help right around us. While poverty in the U.S. is nowhere near as dire as it is in Third World countries, it still affects so many. The challenge for me is not only to help those around the world, but also to be reaching out to those around me who need help. For me, that should be easy - there are neighbors of mine who are very unfortunate. It's not as easy to help people face-to-face as it is to give to a charity, but it is just as important. If not more so.

2007-09-26T18:03:00.000-04:00

Hmmmm...instead of creating a YouTube account and making videos, I think I'll try this route to see if anyone is listening. Maybe I can keep up with this blog - it may just be a vent piece, though. Enjoy.

As the knife digs deep

2007-05-27T08:13:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how many different thoughts and feelings can go through your head in quite literally a single instant. Thoughts like:
Uh-oh!
Wow, this is going to be bad.
That feels funny.
Now what am I going to do?
This is a stupid way to get hurt.

I know this is random, it's just that so many people don't remember the instant traumatic things happen to them. They simply haven't trained their minds to function as something shocking is happening. Adrenaline, fear, and shock all cloud the mind's ability to react and remember. I know it sounds very silly to anyone who hasn't taken martial arts, but there's something to the idea of training yourself to watch a fist coming at your face and not react blindly, but choose an action to counter what's coming. And it's funny to look back and realize just how much your mind can accomplish while a blade is cutting you, even if it's only to watch and make commentary.

The hand behind this pen relives a failure everyday

2007-05-09T08:15:00.000-04:00

It never ceases to amaze me how when people need help, they invariably run straight to the people who cannot help them. When people reveal confidences, they will unfailingly tell them to those who will treat them as news the public should know. Beware, friend, for those who seem most eager to help can often be the same who have not and will never have your best interests in mind.

And yet therein lies a problem: how can I warn you off of some people and expect you to turn right around and trust me? What do I offer that others do not? What assurance can I give you that I will not dissapoint where others will? How have I cornered the market on trustworthiness?

And see, that's part of my problem. I love to paint with a broad brush. A couple of things have aggravated me today, and to keep not-so-innocent parties anonymous, I will brand all other people besides myself as untrustworthy, when that is anything but true. I can think of several people who will think this blog is about them. Rest assured, it probably is not; and if it were, I probably wouldn't tell you, so don't ask. There are those who do have your best interests in mind, but realize that those best interests may not be what you want. And maybe that's the point behind all of this. If you surround yourself with those who will only validate and reinforce what you already feel, what do you do if you are wrong? "Yes men," while being great for your ego, are horrible for your health. Surround yourself, instead, with those who will challenge you to be what you can be - which may be different from what you want to be.

Why do I have a monopoly on healthy introspection? I didn't ask for it, it's just that no one else is buying.

Unbelievable

2006-11-07T08:16:00.000-05:00

For once, I am off on election day. I can't remember ever being off on this day. So, I got to get my voting done in the middle of the day, not early in the morning like I usually do.

Some observations:

I liked voting in the governor's race today. The choice is in between a candidate I like and one I abhor. I have met both men. One struck me as honest if naive and the other as an out-and-out liar who would do literally anything to continue in power. It is interesting that neither is a "northern" Georgia politician. Both are from farming areas. And yet the choice to me was so clear as to be anti-climactic. I wonder if you know who I voted for? It was also aggravating to see a truck at the polling place conviently placed just outside of 150 feet (we asked) that was plastered with bumper stickers advocating the one candidate in the country I would like to see defeated above all others at the moment. Just left there for others to see. How do I know this, you ask? Because the man who owned it was dropped off by someone else to pick it up. Wearing his candidate's t-shirt. I hope they made him cover that up before he voted.

Now to what really made me mad. I came home, watched (and slept to) Cars, and then turned on some election day coverage. This has got to be good right? Well, let's just say that I only watched 10 minutes. I'll probably end up watching more later, but just to continue getting pissed off. Hey, I'm a sucker for punishment.

First, I turned on CNN. Just sorta wanted to see what the mood was. Pure euphoria reigned! Did you know that the Democrats are riding a tide of anti-Bush and anti-Iraq war sentiment to a sure-fire majority in Congress? I sure didn't. It's over. A foregone conclusion.

So, intrigued, I turned to Fox News. Just wanted to see what their mood might be. Did you know that Republicans are so energized by Kerry's comments and Democrat attacks that they are more likely to go to the polls than Democrats? It's looking like the Republicans will stay in power. Constancy is assured.

Two seperate news agencies, two seperate outlooks, same mood. Anyone who says there isn't bias on "their" news channel hasn't looked closely enough. However, maybe it was inevitable, unavoidable. People will gravitate towards those who validate their own opinions and worldview. We choose our news based on what we like (it is, after all, entertainment, right?). Those who rail against CNN for being a puppet of Clinton and Fox for being a puppet of Bush are just adding channels to their list of things and people they hate for being associated with the enemy (or at least an organization or person they hate). Hey, I did it at the beginning of this blog! I have always liked print news better anyway. There's so much less speculation in it. Don't get me wrong, I like 24-hour news, it's just so rarely accurate with breaking news.

So, one news outlet will be able to say at the end of the day that they were right all along, when all they did was preach to their choir. Also, undoubtedly, the other one will point to certain segments they ran during the day to prove how even-handed they were with their coverage. And so progresses the de-education of America.

Is the Internet exercise?

2006-08-06T08:19:00.000-04:00

Funny thing happened today. There is supposedly a group of people who get together to play soccer every Sunday evening. I didn't have church tonight, so I thought I'd go play. Unfortunately, I was the only one there! Story of my life. Pretty funny, though.

I am going to really try to start getting back into shape. I've been watching Final Fu on MTV2, and it's really got me itching to get back into martial arts. The problem is, I'm not sure I want to take at a school. I wish I had the equipment to practice myself, because I know what I want out of myself and how to get it - at the moment I don't need outside instruction. I'm not saying that I'll never go back to a martial arts school or that I'm better than any instructor; just that I don't need one now. My martial arts journey doesn't require others at the moment. So anyway, I think I'm going running tomorrow morning, just to do something for exercise. I hate running; I don't think I'm very good at it.

I'm trying to exercise again because I think my body is starting to rebel on me. I have several nagging injuries that just won't seem to go away. One of them is my left knee; a ligament on the outside just started hurting for no apparent reason about 3 months ago. It doesn't hurt bad enough that I can't do things, it's just bad enough that I know it's not full strength. Anytime I try to make my knee do a lateral movement it hurts. I was showing someone a snap sidekick the other day and it really hurt. But I have always thought that physical activity would heal many ails. When I have trouble sleeping or small injuries, I always believe that exercise will cure me. Weird, I know, but I really think the body has amazing abilities when taken care of, and I haven't been taking care of mine. Of course, all this could just be because I am getting old.

The Lord has been mindful of me...

2006-03-16T08:20:00.000-05:00

...He blesses and blesses again. Just thought I would offer up some praise. I have spent plenty of my blog time complaining and it's time to flip the coin. I received 2 inspections at my store in the last week, my corporate inspection and my health inspection. Both caught me completely by surprise. The corporate inspection is to tell how good we are at being a Zaxby's. They score us on our food, ticket times, how clean we are, and how safe we are. We were short on employees that day and were even training a brand new one. The inspector still told me that he had to dig to find things so he wouldn't have to give us a 100! Our score ended up being a 98, which is the highest score the owner can even remember! Then we got our health inspection (again, completely by surprise), and scored a 97! The only things we were counted off for had absolutely nothing to do with food. I have been so happy and proud that I could burst. And then it struck me. I have worked very hard to make our resaurant safe, clean, and enjoyable. To some extent, I have succeeded, but it is not due to my own efforts. The Lord has looked down upon His servant with kindness in His heart. He has blessed the work of my hands, that I may prosper. I can work as hard as I want or am able, but if God is not willing that it should prosper or that I should succeed, I am striving against the wind. It is very humbling to see the ways that God has provided for me and my family. I just wanted to share with everyone where my joy comes from!

activity

2006-03-04T08:21:00.000-05:00

Me being the completely random individual that I am, I find this quite funny. The fact that I am completely sore. I am getting old fast. Matt, Greg, and I went to hit some golf balls yesterday. Not "play golf," because I could quite possibly shoot 300. Greg's pretty good, so I wanted some pointers. Boy, that is a game that is impossible to do well in and look cool. You've got to stick your butt out way to far to look cool. I don't know how Tiger Woods does it. Anyway, I had a blast before I went to work and had literally the worst shift I have had in 6 months at least. It was rough, folks. But I'm sorta all right with that. I know why it was rough, and I knew it would end eventually, so we just kept plugging away. And it wasn't the worst I've ever had, so that was good. But today I'm sore as anything. My whole left side is killing me. And I wonder what happened. When I took Tae Kwon Do, I was doing it 4-6 times a week. I was in great shape. How can I be skinny AND out of shape? I thought that wasn't allowed! I've got to start doing something, but I don't know what. I hate running up and down roads. It just bores me. I don't mind doing crunches and push-ups, but I don't like only being able to do a few to start off with. And when I do those exercises that remind me of martial arts, I want to start doing martial arts again. I have no outlet for that desire. If you didn't know, I am a passionate martial artist. It's probably one of the few things in my life I have ever been actually very good at. I was once the national champion red belt for my age group in both forms and sparring. By the way, I'm not naturally athletic, so it took a LOT of work to become good. I'm not trying to brag (I really hope I'm not), I just enjoy that so much. I felt like I could express myself really well that way. So anyway, I don't have an outlet for that desire now. I don't really have the time to join a class, because of my crazy work schedule. My friends that I like to work out with have different schedules than me. And I don't want to go do it in my backyard because I don't like to practice in front of people who will either think I'm showing off or think that I'm stupid (and probably both). I live in a quadraplex, so we share our backyard with other people, and we live on the top floor so I can't jump around and stuff. I really think that once I start doing some physical activity that I will start sleeping better, as well. The verse that keeps popping up in my head is "Bodily exercise profits little." But all I can think of is that maybe it would help me clear my head some and help me start building new, better habits, like regular Bible study and prayer. I've got to start somewhere, so I guess I'm reaching out for anything. I'd like to join this gym right down the street from work, but I don't have the money right now. Besides, I'd like to give Kellie the chance to first, if she'd like to. Do you see what I meant in my last blog? I can't write when I'm okay; it screws me up. All of this just came out in a random jumble; maybe emotion helps me focus.

I thought I'd lost myself - or maybe I did just now

2006-03-01T08:22:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, there I am. Back where I belong - just slightly depressed. For a while, I thought I was going to be able to be happier and actually be a little more chipper. But that was just a dream. What was I thinking? I should have known better. It's funny, I really want to be a happy person, and yet when I'm a little depressed, I feel more like myself. Maybe it's because when I'm happy, there's so many things I don't care about. I don't care what people think about me, I don't care whether my jokes are funny, I don't think about whether I have real friends or just people I know who tolerate me. When I'm down, I feel like I see the world a little more realistically. My rose-colored glasses come off. The ironic thing is, I probably just trade them in for crap-colored ones. I posted in a blog that I can be my worst critic - attacking myself over things that make no difference whatsoever. But it's also funny how I can take the smallest glance, the slightest change in tone, the tiniest gesture as a sign that the people I'm around really wished I wasn't even there. A couple of thoughts that are careening through my head:

1. Aren't I in charge? Then why doesn't it feel like it sometimes?

2. Why don't I feel like I matter to people? Why does that matter?

3. Why can't I seem to get my walk going?

4. WHERE AM I GOING?

Question 1: I'm not talking about "in charge" as in in control of my life, I try to leave that up to God. I'm talking about why do I feel like things I should be in control of keep getting wrenched out of my hands? I feel like I keep getting made a fool out of. I try to be nice, I'm not being nice enough. God forbid that I be fair; it might as well be cruel and unusual punishment.

Queston 2: Why is it such a big deal to me that I be important to other people? Not in the "famous" way, just in the "someone I care about" way. It really feels wierd when it's at church. A question was asked not to long ago: what are your gifts and do you feel they are being used by the church? My answer to the second part was "no." I feel like some of my gifts are being used, but I used to feel like I was needed in my church; now I just feel like someone they've forgotten about. Maybe it's because at one time I had a very definite (if sorta vague) role - now I don't.

Question 3: For someone who grew up reading the Bible everyday, it sure has been a while since I've cracked it open. What is my problem? It's like working out; I simply can't seem to get started and stay started. It used to be a routine, how did it change? The funny thing is, I can still quote a lot of Scripture and carry on a pretty good discussion; I remembered what I would consider a minute detail from a chapter in the Bible and looked it up real quick and was able to add to the discussion in class tonight. A couple of times lately I've had discussions with friends about what the Bible says about certain things. I feel certain that I am right and that I used God's Word correctly then, but boy, did I feel fake doing it. "Physician, heal yourself!" keeps coming up in my mind. I've got all sorts of advice for people from the Bible. I can't seem to dig myself out of a rut.

Question 4: I think I am too scared to take a risk. Maybe because I'm scared it won't be a leap of faith, it'll be a leap of stupidity. Like God will say, "Boy, that was dumb. Maybe he won't make this mistake again." and let me fall. I can't do that, I've got a wife and child to support. When does trying to make sure they have food, clothing, and shelter become stifling to what God may have in store for us? Am I trying to do too much? There are so many things I wish I could do with my life; did I miss my chance? If opportunity knocks once, why am I looking for him 10 years later? Sometimes I feel like the pull on my heart to follow my dreams is God trying to tell me something. Sometimes I feel like it's just a dream that couldn't come true if I tried; why quit a job that pays the bills and live on a prayer? Am I going to be one of those people who always says, "I could have been..."? Have I wasted whatever potential I once possessed? Or that possessed me? It's funny; every opportunity seems just barely out of my reach. Is that the true sign of a failure?

Another funny thought that you won't laugh at: I think enthusiasm is my greatest strength and liability at the same time. No one can be more enthusiastic about some things, which means no one can turn people off about those things quicker than I. You do know that you can't make people be enthusiastic, you can only hope they catch the fever. Goodness, I can whine for a long time.

Ever notice how the first part of "analyze" is "anal"?

2005-11-29T08:24:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to realize something about myself: I am one picky jerk. Some people tell me that I set my sights too high; I like to think of it as goal-setting. I think perfection is attainable, and if not, should be desired anyway. But in going through another period of self-scrutiny, I am starting to recognize a pattern in my dealings with other people: I want them to be perfect; and if not perfect, then as like me as possible.It all starts with me. In almost everything I do, I try to be the best. I want to be the most knowledgeable person you know. I want to be the best singer. When I lead singing, I want to put together the best service, one that flows from song to song and subconsciously reinforces the theme. I wanted to be the best martial artist that I knew. I want to be the best cook, best cashier, and the best manager in Zaxby's. I want to have the best store out of all the Zaxby's. I want my punctuation to be perfect. If I am going to take the time to do something I care about, I want it to be right.

So what, Scott, right? You're a freak. Yeah, well, that's undisputable. I think where I become a jerk is when I take my quest for perfection and require others to live up to my standards. I wish you could understand it's not malicious. I don't claim to want others to be perfect so I can watch them screw up and laugh as I punish them. I just want them to succeed; and perfection surely means success, right? I took Tae Kwon Do on and off for 8 years. I gained the rank of black belt, and was a backup instructor. I had a reputation of being very good with kids. But when I taught the adult classes, I would get complaints that I wanted too much. I would try to get the most cardio work, the most forms work, and the most technique work in to each class. I just taught the class that I would want to take. At Zaxby's, I made manager in 4 months. I am unaware of any other person in a Zaxby's (which doesn't mean it hasn't happened) that has gone from entry-level to manager that quickly. I came in with the goal of making manager, and I drove myself to accomplish that goal. Now I am the store manager, and have the power to do things my own way. The things that George did that I did not like, I can change (for the most part). The things other managers did that I felt did not help the company, I can change (because now I can tell them flat out that I expect different things and they have to do what I say). But I try not to abuse that power. I feel like I have worked very hard to be open to doing things other ways than the ways I think would be best. But I also know that I am much more detail-oriented that most people, so I will notice things they do not. I will see things to clean that most people will miss. I will notice little things that people do wrong that some would consider unimportant. But I do not consider little things unimportant.

At church, I have a problem in that I don't understand when people do things that they know are wrong. Especially if they are things that are not a struggle for me. Now, please do not read into this that I think I am perfect. I am far, FAR from perfect. I have several struggles that I cannot seem to overcome. But the ones that seem so easy, I wonder why people struggle with things that should be an easy decision. Like going to church. For me, it's a no-brainer. When I go to church often, I am a better person (do not read "perfect," read "better"). When I don't, I am a worse person. And by worse, I mean that I do not uphold the values that I hold as important in my life. I treat people badly, am very angry, am verbally confrontational, and am just a real pill to be around (more so than normal). I have noticed the same affect (with different symptoms) in others. When they do not go to church, the very values they claim to cherish get jettisoned like so much unwanted baggage.

Oh, but wait, there I go again, seeming to be so harsh on other people. Judging them with so calculating an eye, so condemning a heart, so vitriolic a tongue.

But maybe that's the point. I fear that I am driving people away because of how I treat them. I do not mean to be so judgemental, but the way I treat them is merely an extension of how I treat myself. No human alive could judge me as coldly as I judge myself. When I love something, I expect to be the best at it. When I fail, I cut myself to ribbons. Some of this leaks out and others have witnessed it: the apologies, the comments I make about myself, the determination to do better next time. But some see the affects and do not realize it. The self-flaggelating remarks that are made only slightly in jest. The self-effacing humor that invites you to deride me the way I deride myself. That humor that is dangled in front of you to see if you think I am as ridiculous just like I think you do.

I expect the pursuit of perfection from others because that is what I pursue. I expect them to want to be the best, just like I do. When I push others, I am trying to push myself. I drive myself so hard that when I am around other people, I drive them off a cliff. I obsess about the little things, because all of life is made up of little things. Get all the little things right, you must be close to perfection. Should I not ask of others their best? Is that not what I attempt to give them, every day? I do try, believe it or not. I sometimes feel like I pour my heart out for other people in trying to either help them or pass on something I have learned. Is it to much to ask that they have that same devotion? Where do you draw the line and say, "Scott, you have asked too much?" I feel that if others tried as hard as I do, my job would not be as hard.

Do I care too much? And in my own, twisted way of caring, am I actually hurting others? I guess I could try to back off a little bit, but won't that simply encourage mediocrity? Maybe my problem is that I never learned how to dream small.

By the way, isn't it fun to watch others wallow in self-pity? "What frivolity! Scott flounders like a fish in the corner of an aquarium; not realizing he has but to look up to free himself!"

I'm going to use this thing

2005-03-31T08:25:00.000-05:00

I have decided I'm actually going to use this blog thing to vent. I'm tired of keeping things in and my friends are tired of me chewing them out for things that other people did or didn't do, or were stupid enough to think. And the subject of my inaugural blog: Christianity and the hatred thereof. I have a lot of friends who are not Christians. I don't want to say that's fine with me, because it's not; however, they have made their choice and it's not up to me to change their minds (those of you who know me know how hard it is for me to accept that). I can only offer what I believe and why, and hope they see things the way I do. My problem comes when I'm told two things: that all Christians are hypocrites and that we are not accepting enough of other's beliefs. Let's look at the first. "All Christians are hypocrites, and I won't go to a church full of hypocrites" I have often been told. That's amazing. Show me almost any group of people who are not hypocrites. Every single group of people I hang out with is chock full of 'em. If anything is different about Christians, it's that we openly talk about our hypocrisy and the same shortcomings in others. People mistake honesty for hatred. I have a news flash for everyone: I am a hypocrite. I have been one my whole life, and I am a horrible one now. I lead a double life. I work at my church, I try to follow God, and I completely act the opposite way a lot of times. Now, since I am honest with myself, I also know that I am trying not to be a hypocrite. I am trying to live that which I believe, I'm just not good at it. But simply because I call out bad behavior in others does not make me condemner. I want to help others get their lives straight, just as I crave other's efforts to help me. That is not hypocrisy, it is not hatred, it is companionship. It the fellowship of travelers who seek a common destination and are willing to support each other on the journey. You thought that was long, wait for this one. I cannot stand it when I am told that I as a Christian have to be more accepting of other's beliefs. I completely reject that statement. I have to do no such thing. I accept nobody's beliefs if they do not agree with me. Now, invariably, you think that I have gone off the deep end and amd full of emnity for all other religions. This is both true and untrue. As a Christian, I accept the fact that some people will not believe what I believe. I have come to grips with this fact. I even respect some people for what they believe and why. But that does not mean that I accept their beliefs. Acceptance of what they believe would mean that I value their beliefs as having the same validity as my own, which they do not. My beliefs clearly place all non-believers outside of the "right" pack. I do not believe that Atheists, Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, Shintos, etc. are just as "right" as I am. I would even say that many who call themselves "Christians" do not believe the same as me and therefore are not "right." Jesus said, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and noone comes to the Father but by Me." He said this to state unequivocally that if one is to believe in Him, there can be no acceptance of "other ways" to get to Heaven. He is the only way. Now, does this mean that I hate other religions? No! I respect other religions, I simply do not accept their beliefs as correct. Nor do I accept all of my beliefs as correct, for I am constantly trying to test what I believe so that I may know more and know why I believe what I do. My biggest problem with all this is that the very same people who tell me that I must be accepting have, to a person, turned around and hated Christianity. You want to talk about hypocrisy in it's worst form, and this is it. I am told that I must compromise my beliefs to mollify others, and then castigated for believing what I do. What I am told is this: "You must accept my beliefs to be truly Christian, but I do not accept your beliefs because you are a Christian." Can someone explain this? It's asinine. So I have taken to telling people that I will respect their beliefs, but not accept them. I accept only belief in the Lord Jesus the Christ, and on His Word I stand. This does not make me obstinate, just confident in what I believe.