Helpless

I think the worst feeling in the world, at least for me, is helplessness. That sudden realization that there is nothing you can do in a situation. I was reading about Mike Coolbaugh, the first-base coach who was killed by a foul-ball line-drive a couple of months ago. Sports Illustrated had an excellently written article about the effects his death had on his family, team, and the young man who hit the ball.

And then they re-told the moment. I was already emotional over the story, but the description of his state when they reached him really tears me up. Because (having some First Aid training and such) I realized that there would have been absolutely nothing I could have done except what one person did: sit there and cry "Don't leave, Mike!" It is a tragic story, and a terrible feeling.

Maybe that's why I like to attack things. I hate even the feeling of helplessness, and the reality of it is overwhelming to me. At work, that is what makes me want to quit - when I feel helpless about a situation. But I think that because that is something that I fear, I also tend to see it when it is not there.

The only good result of helpless feelings is the thought "All I have now is God." And I think God is saying "DUH! That's all you should need!" Every time I hear that phrase (or say it myself) I think of how ridiculous it is that the very last place we turn, our last resort, is God. Shouldn't He be our first resort? Shouldn't we turn to Him before it becomes hopeless? Isn't He much more capable anyway? That's not such a helpless feeling.